There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
