You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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