Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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