it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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