I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
