Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got inside last night via doggy door
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
