Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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