why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
