Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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