I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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