Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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