k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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