So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
