and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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