So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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