Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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