Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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