If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
