I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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