I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
