I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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