She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
