Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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