when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
