u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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