Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
