I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
