I hate all girls vehemently.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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