Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
