Who wears a wallet chain?!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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