this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
