Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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