at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
