I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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