I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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