Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
