so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
