put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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