Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
