I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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