I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
