Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
