Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
