Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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