New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
