hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
