we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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