I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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