i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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