Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
