I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
