Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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