Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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