im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
