she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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