ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
