Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want to fling myself into the sun
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
