So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
