why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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