my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
