I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
