If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
