If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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