My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
