Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
